Lamentation

 

Lord, I don’t know where to start

The issues to lament are so many

So numerous

So overwhelming

 

And so, I start with saying sorry

 

Sorry for what I haven’t done out of apathy

For what I’ve avoided doing cos I didn’t want to get involved, or go out of my comfort zone

For what I’ve not said cos it was easier, or less confrontational

Sorry for what I’ve done and shouldn’t have done

For what I’ve said and shouldn’t have said

For what I’ve thought and shouldn't have thought about

 

Sorry for my role in the way that the world is now

For the historical role of my heritage in so much of the pain and turmoil of the world today

For the current role of the over-consumptive western world on climate change and climate injustice

 

My heart weeps when I think about Gaza and Palestine and Israel

About Ukraine and Russia and the neighbouring countries

About the conflicts in Africa, and Asia, and South America, and MENA that so often don’t get a look in, or a mention on the news.

 

My heart weeps when I think of all those people who are displaced

Not out of choice

But out of fear, persecution, famine, poverty, loss of home, loss of livelihood, for the colour of their skin, for being different, because of climate induced displacement

 

And if I let it, my heart fears for the future

For the world that the younger generation are inheriting

For the world that babies are being born into.

 

For all the traumas and mental health issues and broken relationships that are part of this poly-crisis world that we are living in.

 

Lord, there is so much to lament

So much to weep for

So much to feel hopeless about

 

And yet amidst it all we have hope in You

Because You, Lord and creator, are greater than all the messes that we have made and continue to make

 

Thank you, Lord, that you haven’t given up on us

thank you that you still love us

that you still want to involve us in the plans for the future

In the plans for moving forward

 

Lord, my hope is in you

I seek your forgiveness

For all that I didn’t do, say or think out of apathy

For all that I did do, say or think out of a place of selfishness, greed and ignorance

Forgive me Lord

 

And as I step forward into the future,

Show me what is my role

Show me what is the way that you would have me go

Show me how to bring hope and healing to a hopeless and broken world

Show me Lord

 

And may my heart never grow cold or indifferent to the pain and suffering around

But may you continue to break my heart with what breaks yours

 

In your mercy, Lord, hear my prayer

 

 

 

 

Beirut and beyond

I started these musings whilst staying in downtown Beirut but during that time had two glorious days out of the city, one up in the mountains, and the other by the sea. Whilst my wanderings in downtown were done on my own, the excursions were with local folks who I know through the organisations I am working with over here, and so some of the following reflects the conversations had on those days.

From an architectural perspective, downtown is an eclectic mix of smart and stylish new buildings – apartments and office blocks alongside each other. Nestled in amongst them are small and very old churches and mosques of yellow sandstone which have a lovely warm look in the sunshine, as well as little older houses that were built to withstand the heat before AC was an option.

In the middle of downtown, overlooking Martyrs Square, is the big Mohammad Al-Amin mosque which is also known as the Blue Mosque, due to its prominent blue dome. Alongside it are the Maronite and Orthodox cathedrals, so that in one central space, all three of the main religions of Lebanon are represented.

In the area near to the Port, the devastating impact of the explosion of 2020 can still be seen. Some buildings stand as shells only, with everything gone except for the stone skeleton of the structure. Two big derelict concrete silos stand in the port as a reminder of the explosion, and there are still some bits of twisted metal visible that comprise road barriers on older bits of road.

The shops are a mix of Western brand names and local Arabic shops – high-end and low-end and everything in between – just like you’d see in many cities around the world.

And once outside the city: well it depends on the direction that you take. Directly north and south its all coastal, with some beautiful coastal villages and towns, beaches, harbours, and places to swim in the Med. And if you go inland the topography becomes hilly and then mountainous, plus the flat Beqaa valley in the east of the country.  The views are so big from up in the mountains, with little towns and villages clinging to the sides of the hills, zig-zag roads winding up the valleys and over the ridges, and groves of cedar trees adding their majesty to the overall scenery. It really is a beautiful country in many ways.

But against this beautiful backdrop, the Lebanese are living life with a sense of uncertainty, waiting, and wondering what next? Given all that has gone on in recent Lebanese history, and given their precarious position with neighbouring countries who are far from peaceful, and given the presence of Hezbollah within their own nation, many of the younger adults feel unsure about the future. Do they make their future here in Lebanon, or do they seek opportunities in other, safer countries, where there is more stability, where there is more hope for the future, that might be a good place to raise children?

These are the issues that swirl around, and that so many are wrestling with. But amongst all this, life carries on - Beirut 10k run around the centre of the city, sea swimming, music gigs, coffee with friends, evening strolls, meals out, celebrations of births deaths and marriages …

It was when the conversation turned to the future of the country that the passion and pain really showed through.

The Lebanese are so proud of their nation and of the opportunities that they see could be available, if only things weren’t as they are. They are frustrated at the way in which Western governments are demanding that Lebanon ensures the disarming of Hezbollah but without any support to do the disarming. Just to be clear, many Lebanese agree  that the disarming is something that absolutely has to happen, and they want rid of the corruption, uncertainty and terror that came with Hezbollah, but they also know that the members of Hezbollah would prefer the ‘martydom honour’ of dying whilst fighting than to allow the opposition to disarm them. And as a result, many have fears of a civil war that might erupt.

Added to that are the fears that Israel is just waiting for Lebanon to fail to meet the disarming deadline, and then they will use that as an excuse to attack as well. So fears of attacks from within and without.

How to disarm a terrorist group without ending up with lots of bloodshed - this is the current massive challenge that the Lebanese government is facing, and people are struggling to see any hopeful way forward.

Lebanon is such a beautiful country, the people are so welcoming and generous, their food is simply delicious, and they have a wonderful, hard-working, and entrepreneurial spirit. I pray that, despite all the odds that seem to be so stacked against them, there can be a way forward that brings hope and security to the country and to the wider region.  

Lebanon trauma training part 1 complete

 I’ve had a fascinating time delivering trauma-informed training to Triumphant Mercy, the first of the organisations that I am working with here in Lebanon. Their focus is predominantly supporting Lebanese children, women and families from disadvantaged and vulnerable backgrounds for one reason or another. The discussions that have come from the training with regard to issues of trauma in Lebanon have been very insightful, and below are a few jottings relating to these conversations, which help to show the range of challenges that are faced. Some of them are similar to traumas experienced in other nations, especially those ‘hidden traumas’ that are being lived out behind closed doors. But when set against the bigger picture of the national traumas that are part of Lebanon’s recent history (quite apart from those associated with their longer-term geopolitical history), the issue of resilience to deal with the range of traumas becomes a massive challenge.

Recent events that Lebanon has experienced as a nation:

-            - Civil war

-            - War with Israel

-            - War with Syria

-            - Port blast explosion

-            - Financial collapse

-            - Refugee influx

-            - Covid pandemic

-            - Living with a permanent mindset of ‘what next’ as the recent history feels like a litany of national traumatic events ie living on permanent state of waiting for next trauma.

o   This is having a particular impact on young adults, who just don’t know if they can plan a life in Lebanon in the long-term

o   Also an impact on starting new businesses etc, as some nervousness about the feeling of instability and unpredictability

Also, at a more individual or family-based level

-            - High parental expectations regarding education achievements

-            - Verbal abuse – especially adults to children

-           -  Physical abuse – often normalised re cultural norms

-            - Emotional abuse

-           -  Mental abuse

-           -  Chaotic family situations and relationship challenges between husband and wife

-            - Body image issues amongst Gen Z, and competitively high pressure and expectations from peers regarding achievements and image.

Trauma for the children

-           -  Abuses as above, plus watching their parents struggling as a result of so many pressures that are outworked in family-based traumas

-            - Critical and high expectation parents putting undue pressure on children

-            - Parents talking about the war in front of the kids, so traumatising the children as they hear about past wars, fears of wars etc.

Generational difference:

-       - older adults = ‘it’s just how it is’ – talk about the concept of trauma is taboo with older generation, and they just don’t talk about it. They tend to be much more emotionally disconnected as a result.

-           -  younger adults and teenagers = ‘everything is a trauma’. Very switched on re trauma as a result of being more globally connected and consuming perspectives from different parts of the world. This then can lead to perhaps interpreting a much broader range of experiences in the context of trauma.

-            So, a big mismatch between the two generations and they struggle to communicate with each other about it. Therefore, a big gap in emotional support and understanding between the two groups.

Religion-related trauma: in some churches and religious groups there is a lot of teaching that trauma is an indication of sin and or failure to be a good Christian. Therefore, all are urged to pray more and be a better Christian and then they won’t suffer the trauma. This then results in further guilt, shame, and sense of failure etc, which exacerbates the trauma. NB this is as relating to personal traumas not national traumas.

Romania trauma reflections

During my time here in Romania, I've been delivering the 360Life training to a group of staff and volunteers who are all involved in prison ministry in various different penitentiaries across the country. At one point we were even joined by the director of education for all of Romanian prisons, as the authorities have identified trauma as the biggest issue that needs to be addressed in the prisons. Apparently she was very impressed with the training (phew), and hopefully it has helped open thoughts on how the prison system can best address the issue of trauma in a way that helps those who so much need support to overcome all sorts of traumatic past experiences. Here follows just some of the issues that have come up in the discussions with participants of the 360Life trauma-informed training here in Romania. It’s been a fascinating, and intense time here, but what a privilege to be able to speak into the lives of this wonderful group of people.

NB: the following is in no particular order.

-            Post communist issues between the generations: parents bottled everything up cos couldn’t complain about anything. Now still find it hard to express emotions, or talk about how they are feeling. And equally find it hard to provide emotional support for children, which the younger generation find hard to cope with as lacking the role models for them to draw on as they become parents of the next generation.

-            Lack of trust by older generation, as never knew who was an informant for the communists, so still find it hard to trust, and again this overflows into not talking about things. Knock on issues for children who have never been taught how to trust, and so also find it hard to put into practice.

-            Being a Christian in communist country – lots of persecution: bullying (peers, work colleagues, teachers), denial of privileges afforded to non-Christian kids (at school and at work), not allowed to preach so if churches expanded then in trouble, trouble if caught with a Bible etc.

-            Lack of understanding about the concept of trauma, as so many of the hardships in communist times, that we might now say were types of trauma, at the time were considered just ‘how life was’. This included lots of fawning and appeasing just to keep the authorities happy, poverty, standing in line for food due to scarcity in the shops, as well as others already mentioned.

-            Post communist period: latch-key kids: parents at work from 6am – 6pm, so only saw the kids in the evenings. Those who were the kids left at home remember crying as the parents went out in the mornings, and they had to sort themselves for school etc. Trauma of abandonment.

-            Trauma of not being able to talk to their parents about things, the emotional neglect as parents found it so hard to process or show emotion

-            links between Romania as a nation having big T trauma of being under communism, and individuals having complex PTSD from million tiny paper cuts of personal life under communism;

-            Transgenerational traumas of various types due to the impact of communism on previous generations, and how they then pass on those traumatic ways of living and behaving to their children. Cycle slowly being broken as younger generation are turning to Europe and USA for videos, podcasts, books etc that show an alternative way of living life, and being more engaged with emotions etc. But there is still the struggle of not being able to discuss with own parents, and feeling a disconnect that many find it hard to overcome.

-            Traumas relating to the Romanian orphanages – both the traumas experienced by some of being in them, and the trauma of abandonment and neglect by family members resulting in social orphans. Those who were orphans at the time of the fall of Communism are now young adults, and still are experiencing post-traumatic issues.

-            Also due to abandonment – lots of children ended up in gangs, which are very dominant in some parts of Romania now, and leading to much crime of various types.

This list isn’t exhaustive, but gives insight into some of the issues that Romania is struggling with as they journey forwards.

all the delegates, looking extra smart in the presence of the government official (front row, 2nd from left)