One of the privileges of leading teams of
young people is the opportunity to be alongside them as they experience new
cultures and countries, have perspectives challenged, review their priorities
and generally return home with new outlooks on life.
And on most trips, there will be one or two
team members who particularly inspire me as I hear their stories and where they
have come from.
But this time has to top the lot with
regard to inspirational team members. We aren’t a big team, but each of the
young people, and two of the leaders, has grown up in the care system, and it
is a massive eye-opener, and humbling experience, as I listen to them chatting
and glean bits of their stories.
Last night for example, three or four of
them were chatting, and comparing stories on how many different foster homes
they have lived in, how many different schools and authorities they have come
under the care of, and as a result how hard it is to gain any sense of real
belonging and community. One of them felt they were lucky as they’d only been
moved 5 times, another could name more than 10 different foster homes and
children’s homes that they had lived in at various points.
I can’t even start to imagine what it must
be like to have that sort of disruption as the starting point, or reference
point for life, and yet listening to the team it is their area of commonality,
and their norm.
Some of them are in contact with biological
family members, and in some of these cases, it seems that these members,
especially the parents, are quite needy and lean heavily on the emotional side
of the young people. As a result there has been a lot more contact with home
than there would normally be on a team trip, as the ensuing guilt of not
contacting home, and not checking that mum etc is OK can be too much to cope
with.
What strikes me is how matter of fact they
are about it all. It’s just life for them, and whilst it leaves me reeling, and
marveling at how they cope, they just get on with life.
Yes, it takes a while for some of them to
trust new people – no surprise there; and yes it is clear that some find
uncertainty and vagueness quite unnerving – no surprise there either; and yes
they are very good at pushing boundaries to suss out new situations and new
people – again no surprise. But, that is fairly standard for a lot of young
people their ages, and what I love about this team is how quickly we have all
started to feel like a family, and the banter, laughter, supportiveness and
empathy that is flowing.
It was lovely today to listen to some of
the girls chatting in the car about their plans for adulthood – dreams and
hopes, possible plans being hatched. Academically many of them struggled, in
part because of the disruption of being moved around, in part because of
teenage rebellions going on at formative times in their school careers. So
plans for going to college etc tend to be a bit behind their non-foster
contemporaries, but that isn’t putting them off. The overall theme coming
through today was how each of the girls wants to get a qualification, get a
job, settle down with a nice guy, and then think about having children. They
want their children to have a good childhood, ‘not the rubbish one I had’ – as
one of them said. Really encouraging to
hear, and I pray that the girls can each realise that dream in their own way.
One of the projects we visited was a
kindergarten for Roma kids, and chatting to one of the team members afterwards
he was saying how it made him sad to think that the children go home to really
tough situations, where there isn’t necessarily a parent waiting, or much love
going around. And as he was saying this, it was evident that this is something
that the team member has personally been through in his childhood, and can
really relate to; as a result of drawing on that personal experience he was
really inspired to go the extra mile to make the children happy today.
One of the others said this: ‘I wish there
was something more I could do, today has had a massive influential effect on my
life of how I perceive what I think are major problems in my life because in
reality my ‘problems’ come nowhere near to how these young children are living
and what they are going through’. Powerful and impacting stuff – and if her
problems have become minor compared to the little ones we helped in the
kindergarten, then what a wake up call to me and how I view my ‘problems’.
So a massive ‘thank you’ to this team – I
am learning so much from each and every one of them. It is such a privilege to
be part of their lives in this small way, and to help give them an experience
that is clearly impacting them, growing their horizons and giving them new
perspectives. May the outcomes of this trip continue to show through in many
wonderful ways – and based on what we have seen so far, I think they will.
